A governor's daughter 'finds' her dad - and forgiveness

Emmy Award-winning broadcast journalist Kara Sundlun co-hosts daytime chat show "Better Connecticut" on WFSB 3, in a way that could cheer the dourest of spirits. And in a way, that gift would prove a precursor, if not the right recipe, for helping her travel the road from "love child" to the acknowledged and much-loved daughter of the man who'd abandoned her.

Indeed, the petite blonde, who also works as an anchor at the station, has more to her story than it would at first appear, and a history of darker days belie her good cheer.

Married nearly 13 years to fellow anchor Dennis House, Sundlun is the daughter of a former Rhode Island governor, Bruce Sundlun. Remarkably, her dad was also a World War II hero whose plane, "Damn Yankee", was shot down over Belgium - he was the only one to not be either captured or killed, and survived through a mixture of luck and pluck. A Jew, Sundlun's capture by the Nazis would have meant a tragic end. But more on that later.

His daughter didn't grow up with him, though, only knowing about him. For he had paid off her mother after her birth, ostensibly to never have to see his daughter again. Fate had other ideas in mind. His only daughter would track him down, hold him accountable, and force him to pay her college tuition and yes, fall in love with her. The latter he appears to have done quite willingly.

It all sounds rather aggressive, but she was a teenager - a brave, willful teen in Michigan who just wanted to get to know her dad. She ended up doing just that - but let's not ruin the story - you'll need to go out and buy Finding Dad: From "Love Child" to Daughter, published in late 2014. Her father passed away in 2011, before she had a chance to share her first book.

I first connected with Sundlun over a year ago, attending an event at the Mark Twain House in Hartford, where she spoke about the book. Connecticut Governor Dan Malloy attended that night, along with many local luminaries.

It was here that she had taken the writing course that led to her both penning "Finding" and as importantly, finding an agent. I recently spoke to her again about the book and her journey. Following is an abbreviated version of that conversation.

First of all, since you are on TV I haven't thought of you as a writer. Mind my asking if you hired a ghost writer for this?

No. My first book editor was really good, but this is all me - no ghost writer. I have heard of ghost writers [doing books like this]. If you are a big name and you just don’t have time it can make sense, but that wouldn’t have made sense economically for me. And, on another level, it would not have had the same effect. It would not have had the healing effect for others if I had had a ghost writer.

You didn't meet your dad til you were a teen. Did you ever discuss the idea of writing a book about your relationship?

Yes, but we signed media agreements that we wouldn’t speak without the explicit permission from the other. We needed, at the time, to just work on the very real work of building a relationship. It was the best choice when I moved into his house [for a summer in Rhode Island, in her late teens]... Twenty years later, my dad and I had taken a true journey where we had actual lessons to teach. My father often said both in life and in regards to sharing our story, "Give 'em the facts – don’t sugar coat it!"

So tell me how you came to write this book, from its inception to actually getting it published.

I know you and I believe in synchronicities. Shortly after my father passed, I did feel the urge to be connected to him, and wanted to write our story while it was still fresh in my mind. My good friend Mika Brzezinski, a New York Times bestselling author, was very "Mika" about it – and said there were "no ifs, ands and buts about it. Give me an outline in three days!"

I said OK. She thought she'd give it to her publisher who would be so blown away he'd [publish it]. But that is not what happened. But because she had given me the impetus to sit down with a deadline, I had actually written an outline and some chapters, when Diane Smith, an author in Connecticut, said, "You should take the memoir writing class at the Mark Twain House and that will put you in contact with the right people." I said I didn’t have time, but I looked into it.

Then, synchronicity occurred when an e-mail came in out of the blue.

The class happened to be on the only night I had free. I could hit class, and still get home to put the kids to bed - they are young now, but they were younger then. The book came out in 2014, but I started the process in 2012.

Because of my children, I thought, 'I can’t just be out for a long time,' but I could spare two hours for myself. People asked how I was able to write the book, and I tell them I committed one hour a day instead of watching TV. I'd write from 9 to 10 every night. Then, a woman in class whom I became friends with, who was also writing a memoir, had similar interests and views as mine, committed to continue meeting with me every Wednesday when class was over.

So what happened next? Did you self-publish?

No. I put together two good chapters, and then I did need an agent....I read a book called Your Big Beautiful Book Plan, and then was referred to Gabby Bernstein's agent - She's the author of Miracles Now and wrote inside the book jacket...But her agent wasn't interested!

I then thought, 'What am I going to do now?' And not even knowing how the process worked, the universe stepped in again: I got a call as I was leaving a shoot from Hartford Hospital. Steve Harris, an agent, had read my proposal and loved it, but said he was sorry he couldn't help me. Turns out, he's married to my friend Gabby's agent, Michelle. He wished me good luck, told me memoirs are the hardest thing to sell.

And then what?

He'd advised me to go on some websites and query agents, but that sounded like something I didn't have time for. But then the next day - talk about signs - when you see repetitive numbers, you're supposed to pay attention - I was walking through a parking garage but didn't know where my car was. Then I see license plates, 333, 444, 555... Why was I seeing all these signs? I wondered, 'What am I supposed to know?' when the phone rang. It was Steve Harris, saying to me, 'In my 30 years in this business, I've never done this but I'm calling to tell you I now think I was wrong.' When I asked why, since he had already rejected me, he said 'It was my son Gabriel, who works for me, and he thinks you have a great story and we should take it on.”

"Gabriel" is an Archangel [messenger from God to certain people]. The following article first appeared in Examiner.com, June 11, 2016.

Wow, Kara in your book you say that “I know now that poor male relationships are a classic symptom in fatherless girls …” How do you think your life would have been different had you not only “found” but connected with your father?

It was the connection and the part every woman has control of – the forgiveness aspect – that is the tunnel to love, freedom and the ability to move on and be happy. In research I've done, I'm a textbook case. I had dated all these jerky guys in high school, and then my dad entered my life. I truly believe it’s never too late to heal.

Just his acceptance of me on a level that wasn’t even conscious increased my self worth and what I attracted was different. My mom, everyone, noticed. I got to college – and that relationship became so solid - that I now wanted good, grounded guys who wanted to treat me well. I noticed what I wanted from relationships was different. It was startling to me.

I assume had I not done that healing, I would have kept going for hard to get guys with nothing to offer and instead ended up with a guy like Dennis, an awesome husband, and father to my son Julian and daughter Helena. Had I not taken that journey, the pattern tends to recreate.

Are you writing anything now? You obviously have a very busy schedule.

A lot of people ask that. What I’m enjoying is speaking about finding Dad – and the lessons that come because of it, owning your own story. For me there was such a period of time where I didn’t share anything – I don’t want to throw a pity party, but there were broken parts in me. When I took the pills at 10 I don’t know if I understood I could die but I was dying for attention, then moving into a completely different world, going from living with a single mother to being a governor’s daughter – what did that do for my identity? I grew up with a lot of drive but not a lot of resources.

Women who are 50 years old, fathers who thought they missed the boat, ask me, 'should I call? What do you think? ...You may not get the reconciliation you hope for, but try. Wherever you are – your brain has a continual ability to rewire itself, but too often we stay stuck.

What was it like meeting him for the first time as a high school student?

That summer was new. I felt like I was flying. On one level we just clicked – from ordering the same ice cream to other things, where we'd say, 'Wow, I do that!' I was able to understand parts of myself that came from him. We got along so well, we really did just click. And my brothers [three, from another mother] also said he became nicer.

What’s striking in the book is that as a young girl you had so much gumption. You hired a lawyer to push for getting him to pay for college! Do you think that is a trait you inherited from your dad, that it was genetic? Why or why not?

It's something I’ve always had – and I credit both my parents - my mom decided to have a baby on her own when her family didn’t think it was a good idea. My dad had been a bomber pilot, the only one not captured in his crew. So I guess there is a part of me prone to fearlessness, but I think it’s something everyone has.

Readers should also see the documentary,"Above and Beyond", which Kara narrated, about her father Bruce Sundlun's amazing survival following his plane's being shot down in Europe during World War II. The man who would later become Rhode Island's 71st governor (1991-95) survived thanks to kind Belgiums and ingenuity, stealing bicycles to avoid Nazi capture, changing his identity and more. Read more about the documentary and stream it at the WWII Foundation.

PHOTOS: Family photo - Bruce Sundlun with Kara and daughter Helena, courtesy of Kara Sundlun, used with permission. Book jacket by Yvonne Parks, www.pearcreative.ca.